Dying Ain't Easy

My journey to being a doula was just as natural as breathing. I have been fascinated with death for as long as I can remember. If I'm honest, death is my jam. I love to commune with the dead and create an intentional connection with them.

As a child, I always found spirits in my house. Initially, they scared me, but eventually, I became more and more comfortable with them. As time went on, I found myself present for the deaths in my family. I would witness folks birthing into the afterlife and notice who was ready, who wasn't, and who was present to come and get their spirit. 

 As a child, my parents taught us never to fear death. It is a natural part of life. In all of the deaths that I had previously experienced, people welcomed the next phase of their journey. Most people don't want to die, but they don't fight death. The death that would forever change me was my husband's grandmother. Her death was met with heavy resistance. This was a new experience for me. She wasn't ready to die, and she meant it.

She fought death tooth and nail with all of her sassiness. I sure miss her. She had so much spunk, and she could dress her tail off. 

Supporting her care and being present helped me understand that this was where I belonged. In this work, supporting families through grief, planning, letting go, and checking in with the person dying.

I would often ask her: " How's your Spirit feel?"

Grandma: " I don't know; how's it supposed to feel, Sasha?"

Me: (Smiling) "It feels however you feel."

Grandma: "I guess it's okay, but not always."

Me: "Thank you, that's what I was picking up on. It doesn't always have to be okay, but no matter what, you are loved. Now, are we watching Bonanza or Walker Texas Ranger?"

Grandma: "Bonanza, it is"

Those moments between us were my favorite. She would be fussing at everyone, and I would just come in and ask her what needed to be addressed. Dying ain't easy, and I wanted her to know I saw her. She was doing an excellent job of keeping it together, but I saw her. I want to thank her for allowing me to ask difficult questions and answering them. 

 A death doula's job is to support the person dying and their tribe. I was doing that all along without even knowing it. That's the beauty of this journey. I have always done this work, even when I didn't know why or what. I followed the gentle nudges in my spirit.

The work that I do is continuously honoring my ancestors and our ways. May the ancestors always be proud of my service to this sacred work.

Sasha